THE WHOLE WORLD IS FALLING APART

Am I the most selfish girl in the whole world? Really am I? I cannot begin to comprehend what is happening with my family right now, I feel like they are falling apart. My sister is has experienced something I would never wish on my worst enemy and there is nothing I can to help, nothing but be there and I am not there. My baby sister is going through something I don’t think even she understands, she is so lost, she is only 17 for god’s sake, life is not supposed to be this hard for her. She understands too much, sees and feels everything and there is no one there for her to talk to, to help understand what she is going through and I need to be there for her. For them both, they are the most important people in my life and I am not there for them. I haven’t had a proper conversation with my Mum in so long and now my Dad has said something to make her mad and I know he misses me but wants everything in the world for me, and so does she but I know she worries about me. I can’t fix it all, I can’t sort it all from here, I need to see them, be with them, make it all better for them but what can I do from here? How can I think about going off and doing my thing when they are all suffering and I feel like I can help, I know I can help. But I know I won’t be helping myself and that is why none of them would tell me or let me come home; which makes me the most selfish girl in all the world.