Showing Your Emotions

I'm not one for emotional scenes, I hate being upset or angry or even really happy in front of other people. These are private emotions and I especially hate for people to see me cry - which happens when I'm sad, angry or even happy. I do cry at the most ridiculous things as well, Grey's Anatomy being the worst of my guilty pleasures however not five minutes ago I did have those tell-tale little tears in my eyes as I read a "goodbye" from my sister. She and I have developed an interesting relationship these past few months and I can say she feels more like a confidante these days than a sixteen year old. Having left home when she was only ten means that we have never had a very close relationship; at times it has been difficult but she has shown me a lot recently; she is definitely not your average teenager, don't let the let the blonde hair and innocent smile fool you - that girl is incredible. It has been so good to share so much with her recently and regret that I have never made the effort with her before, especially now I am heading off it hardly seems the time to find someone who makes sense of all the things you are unable to. To think I will miss so much more of her life makes me feel somewhat selfish in my venture but at the same time I know she will be at the other end of a computer and she has the best years of her life ahead, and I hope she doesn't make the same rash decisions I did and truly realises how incredible she is, not just anybody, definitely somebody!

The past weekend my friends came from down south to have one last weekend of drunken banter before I headed down south myself to spend the weekend with my Dad. It was a good weekend. C.F through me a party and hers and truly made me feel loved and that I will be missed! It was good to have family there as well, my other sister came from Aberdeen and our cousin as well. My only regret was it seemed such a quick goodbye, I never quite got to show my appreciation for their making the time and effort and to say that I would miss them. Two years is a long time without the people that have shaped the past six years of your life.

Five days from now I will be boarding a plane; in fact this time in five days I will be getting ready to land! Montreal (with it's forecast of showers for the week I'm there) is the first stop. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm nervous, scared, excited and I can honestly not answer. Probably all of the above and yet at the same time I honestly think it hasn't hit me, like it's all happening to someone else, like i've made all these plans but they're not really going to happen. I do have a tendancy to live in cloud cuckoo land but at the same time there is the little feeling in the pit of my stomach - god only knows what it is though, don't analyse too hard, too many emotions!!