Hiding Your Emotions

Showing Your Emotions

I'm not one for emotional scenes, I hate being upset or angry or even really happy in front of other people. These are private emotions and I especially hate for people to see me cry - which happens when I'm sad, angry or even happy. I do cry at the most ridiculous things as well, Grey's Anatomy being the worst of my guilty pleasures however not five minutes ago I did have those tell-tale little tears in my eyes as I read a "goodbye" from my sister. She and I have developed an interesting relationship these past few months and I can say she feels more like a confidante these days than a sixteen year old. Having left home when she was only ten means that we have never had a very close relationship; at times it has been difficult but she has shown me a lot recently; she is definitely not your average teenager, don't let the let the blonde hair and innocent smile fool you - that girl is incredible. It has been so good to share so much with her recently and regret that I have never made the effort with her before, especially now I am heading off it hardly seems the time to find someone who makes sense of all the things you are unable to. To think I will miss so much more of her life makes me feel somewhat selfish in my venture but at the same time I know she will be at the other end of a computer and she has the best years of her life ahead, and I hope she doesn't make the same rash decisions I did and truly realises how incredible she is, not just anybody, definitely somebody!

The past weekend my friends came from down south to have one last weekend of drunken banter before I headed down south myself to spend the weekend with my Dad. It was a good weekend. C.F through me a party and hers and truly made me feel loved and that I will be missed! It was good to have family there as well, my other sister came from Aberdeen and our cousin as well. My only regret was it seemed such a quick goodbye, I never quite got to show my appreciation for their making the time and effort and to say that I would miss them. Two years is a long time without the people that have shaped the past six years of your life.

Five days from now I will be boarding a plane; in fact this time in five days I will be getting ready to land! Montreal (with it's forecast of showers for the week I'm there) is the first stop. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm nervous, scared, excited and I can honestly not answer. Probably all of the above and yet at the same time I honestly think it hasn't hit me, like it's all happening to someone else, like i've made all these plans but they're not really going to happen. I do have a tendancy to live in cloud cuckoo land but at the same time there is the little feeling in the pit of my stomach - god only knows what it is though, don't analyse too hard, too many emotions!!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Today is the day I turned my much loved but hardly ever used Photography Blog into my "will use every day on pain of death" Travel Blog. I leave for my great adventure across the continents of South and North America in a mere 11 days. To say I am somewhat apprehensive is an understatement and to say I am ready and organised would be a flat out lie! I booked this trip three months ago and the time has flown by, I have no idea what I have been doing with myself during these 3 months but I can tell you it wasn't preparing for this trip. Sorry, I did take time out to sort out my US Visa which I was led to believe would take an age yet was over and done with pretty quickly - it was me that took so long!

Yesterday I finally fitted my clothes into my backpack having decided to go with the minamalist approach and back only one pair of jeans and five t-shirts to tide me over for the next 2 years (don't worry I have a jumper in there as well!) I can't say that it has truly hit me that in only a few days I will be boarding a plane to the otherside of the world for I don't know how long. That's right - there is no specific return date as yet, all I know is I must be in Southampton May 2013 or a certain C.F (soon to be C.O) will fly across the Atlantic and drag me back - dead or alive - your best friends wedding reception is not to be missed, no matter where you are! There is also the case of the little sibling who if I do not update - this includes skype/texts/emails/blogs/letters/postcards - on a regular basis may also have a few choice words to say for me. I did try to explain that there are some places where I may not be able to update her weekly (her demands are daily but I feel weekly is a compromise) but she refused to accept this and told me that I would just "have to walk the 35 miles to the internet and deal with it!" In her defence I am missing her 18th birthday which does make me a poor excuse for an older sister I admit but have been trying hard to make it up to her recently.

Tomorrow the first of my friends will arrive (fingers crossed) for our epic Easter weekend leaving soiree I have been trying to organise since I booked said adventure. It is times like these that you realise who your real friends are - the ones that turn up to the event that will be the last time you see them for a good few years. I am glad to know who these friends are (will save me so much time emailing now there are less of them ... ) It has been an interesting few months being away from my group of friends having moved back home to save the pennies before my departure. Interesting in that yes I have missed my social life but also at the same time relished this time alone and with the little sibling. It has been a very rewarding past few months all in all; the quality time with friends and family, the quiet planning time that has caused me many a sleepless night and the time spent reminiscing about the last time I went travelling those 6 years ago now - you see, time really does fly!